Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Mountain



The mountain called me back to her
Speaking to me in her silent language
Guiding me to her
I was there
Not knowing how I had arrived
Only knowing that days before I had longed to see her
Longed to feel her waters rush over me

When I realized where I was
I cried
Because time twisted itself around me
Wrapped itself
Turning tomorrow into yesterday
And with the gentle breeze on my face
It touched that part of me that had been hidden,
In becoming full with the wind
I recognized the absence that I had forgotten

It was the mountain again,
That day,
Saying “remember”
I cried
Driving slowly down her breast
I could barely control the descent
She wanted me for herself
Wanted me to stay
It would be the place where once I had been born naked
And now I would die covered with the sorrow of longing for this untouchable love

It was not my time to go
I would not go
No matter how breathtaking and beautiful she was
I decide my moments
Not her
Not my mind
Not these memories
Not him

So with tears in my eyes and a tremor in my being
I fought her
Screamed for my freedom
I held on strongly
And I won

She still waits for me

There is more to do
More to see
More to learn

I will come to her when I am ready
I will choose my destiny

Friday, March 16, 2012

linda

There is her silent calling,
a tiny golden thread that leads directly to the center point of my existence.
There is no reasoning behind it that I can understand,
only my knowing that this is the truth.
Her exhale is my inhale.
If you strip me naked, beyond skin and flesh,
what you will find is her essence.
The scent of grace in the form of a yellow rose.
When I awaken it is her beauty that I see
and when I sleep I imagine her delicate hands holding another.
Please don't ask me to explain where the birth place of this love comes from.
It bewilders me.
I only know that it is my purpose for my living.
Her eyes are in everyone that I see.
Her silent call to act, to be, to love 
echoes through my being...
In the grandeur of her vastness, some tiny part of herself has made a home in me.
Did she know this before she bid us farewell?
She must have because she held me just enough, listened just enough, smiled just enough for me to live a fuller life, to love my mother more and be grateful for the gifts I do not always recognize.

When the breeze touches me just so, I hear the earth whisper back to me the sound of beauty, the sound of my dear beloved... 
L i n d a

 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

a visit to the community

opening the doors, the light entered the musty room where a life had been carelessly thrown into piles of papers and damp clothes.
a temporary holding place, an empty room that could hold this family, their stuff...
it had to be emptied, this room was for someone else.
and so began the task of having to literally step into the life of these unknown people.
picking up pieces of what to me was nothing, but to them was a necessary part of the structure of their day to day living.
the way everything had been thrown in, the way an old dirty shirt sat with a dusty hair brush next to a rusted hammer, all on the gritty floor, the way I was violating this privacy, this intimate collection of someone's life...
it was too much to bear. I hid the tears that exploded in my heart. this family had so very little and what they had was falling to pieces and all I could see was their poverty. all I could feel was the worthlessness of not treasuring what they did have.
it was pity.
and as I touched and handled this stuff, I suddenly recognized that this was far from compassion. 
this was my own poverty, my own sorrow, my own worthlessness. 
what good could I do by contributing more lack, more judgment, more and more and more of nothing.
so I made a conscious decision, right then and there. 
this life belonged to someone, these things had a story. 
not my story, THEIR story, their life. 
these pieces were just a part of someone's experience, an experience that belonged to them. these were not victims, but incredible and precious people who did not need my pity. I needed them.

as we finished emptying the room, I carefully placed the clothes in a bag. the papers in a pile. covered the bed with plastic out on the courtyard. I thanked these unknown faces. 
already they had offered me more than I could ever offer them.



 

Saturday, March 3, 2012

opening

An opening leads to an opening.
A pathway that shifts with every movement it senses, 
guided by heartbeats and the opening and closing of eyes.
It hears you, listening with it's eyes, watching you from the inside out.
This is of your making, your doing, your act of motion.
Follow your footsteps to the source,
this walk is yours to climb,
yours to hold,
yours to be,
yours to live,
So live.
Please, live and come back to yourself.


Thursday, March 1, 2012

rush

I begin falling into myself,
dropping, flying, hollowing in.
An endlessness of sorrow and of joy,
the pin drop point of experience
that contains everything within itself.
This must be the birth place of compassion
because for a moment I am crying with you
and for a moment your happiness is mine too
and I can feel everything, and I am falling into you
and within myself.
There is no landing, 
the falling is my only resting place.


Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Unexpectedly

She appears unexpectedly
through the crevices of thoughts and leaves and space.
She arrives bathing you in herself.
There is no escaping her covering of you 
inside and out.
You must breathe her.
And inside of you, 
you fall to your knees
because her grace is your beauty.



Friday, February 24, 2012

close your eyes

what if to see I must close my eyes
and to hear is to listen with my hand against the wind, 
my face against the sun, my skin speaking with the moon...
and to taste is but a memory of all that I have walked and breathed and felt.
my senses have been fooling me because
to live and feel and taste and touch and smell is nothing
but a disguise of that one precious drop that encompasses all, that says
I am your breath, I am your eyes, I am your everlasting soul....



Tuesday, February 21, 2012

emerging

Something begins to emerge.
A sound that I taste,
it speaks from a depth
that smells of home



Monday, February 20, 2012

slowly

slowly, slowly, slowly
step by step
something begins to emerge...
a secret perhaps,
one that must be shared


Thursday, February 9, 2012

feather

What was the point in flying if I never felt the taste of freedom?
Was it just for one chance? 
One moment to feel the wind lifting me into her arms? 
What was the point? 
Except for the longing in my spirit to fly, 
that was all I needed to know that it was possible


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

shadow

maybe it isn't about getting somewhere but just being where I am, 
I need water on my face and a cool breeze to remember that the sun will go on it's path 
and this light will soon fade


Saturday, January 28, 2012

opening

there is always more, 
another opening, 
another opportunity to enter into the 
spaces 
pauses 
inbetweens

Friday, January 27, 2012

flying

I fly, because I know that there is something deeper, 
something so beautiful that my mind could never behold, 
only my heart could see such grace


Thursday, January 26, 2012

pause

and I sit, resting for a moment to listen, 
because my eyes speak too and they tell me a different story


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

single tree

to stand alone didn't mean loneliness but simply solitude, 
a knowing that my foundation was rooted in something bigger than myself


Friday, January 20, 2012

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

ocean of dreams

I saw it hovering below me, the possibility of something, 
a formless longing that had long ago spoken to me in dreams


just one blade

just one blade, 
that's all there is, 
focus on one and you will know what to do


Monday, January 16, 2012

afternoon walk

when I landed again, I could see the path behind me, 
somehow it all made sense now, 
I had been gathering the stones to make the path ahead, 
there was only now and she was lighting my way
 
 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

revelation

and she began to reveal to me what had been lost 
and I wept because I was ashamed 
and celebrated because I had not known




Friday, January 13, 2012

light pressure

The shadow and the light embraced each other, held tightly, 
knowing that one could not exist without the other. 
It was then I decided to come back.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

dissipate

there are times when I have dissipated, dissolved into the air, quietly,
like a puddle eventually disappears under the glare of the hot sun, no mark left behind


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

lemon

I begin to wonder if my whole life has been a searching for my being to land, even on just a word, English, Spanish, anything...


Monday, January 9, 2012

lip marks

I float, I fly, I wander and get lost in search of this sense of something, 
they say it is in me and I look there too


Sunday, January 8, 2012

water

I felt it happening, I was going to float away into the blackness, but I decided to stay. 
The words pulled me back saying 
"keep searching, keep looking, there's more to do, 
more to say"


Saturday, January 7, 2012

pause

there is a wordless space between thoughts where I encounter a pause, endless in depth, a blackness, silence, the space inbetween